CHORUS: The umpire, the umpire, the guy who calls every
We ain't got no use for the umpire unless he calls 'em our way.
1) He calls one a strike that just misses my hat,
that's how I know that he's blind as a bat.
I pitch 'em right over he gives 'em a walk.
my right ear and he calls it a balk.
I slide into second I'm safe without doubt,
goes his thumb and the bum says "You're out."
I tell him his eyes are not all they should be,
next thing you know it's the showers for me. [chorus]
2) He calls one against us then changes his mind,
then our opponents use language unkind.
No matter which way he decides there's a fight.
right when he's wrong and he's wrong when he's right.
I keep running bases in dreams every night.
I run and
I run in a terrible fright.
A nightmarish creature is following me.
monster who turns out to be. [chorus]