1) He calls one a strike that just misses my hat,
And that's how I know that he's blind as a bat.

I pitch 'em right over he gives 'em a walk.
I scratch my right ear and he calls it a balk.

I slide into second I'm safe without doubt,
But up goes his thumb and the bum says "You're out."

I tell him his eyes are not all they should be,
And next thing you know it's the showers for me. [chorus]

______*______

2) He calls one against us then changes his mind,
And then our opponents use language unkind.

No matter which way he decides there's a fight.
He's right when he's wrong and he's wrong when he's right.

I keep running bases in dreams every night.
I run and I run in a terrible fright.

A nightmarish creature is following me.
A horrible monster who turns out to be. [chorus]